He's Qualified

Yes, that's the best we could do.
Now, pay us!

When an election campaign comes down to choosing between the neighbor woman who ran over your dog or that guy down the block who puked on your Persian rug, (Yes, I was really reaching there) it's time to consider an outsider. Someone who lives outside, like out of doors, like no more doors, like they all shut and God wasn't playing doorman this time, and someone who doesn't drive. Anymore. Nope, not for a really long time. That's the kind of qualifications America needs or is willing to settle for. (Circle one)

Let's consider the facts… (Hold on a second. I have to cough.)

• This is politics, there are no facts. It's just one asshole’s opinion against (or over) another asshole’s opinion. Harold has one of both! An asshole and an opinion. Plenty to go around for everyone... Qualified! 

• Harold is an outsider, but he's knows the inside in increments of six to twelve months at a time, too. Harold has a nearly (e.g. - sort of) unblemished record of public service as a correctional facility trustee. The key word here  is "outdate" "trust"... Qualified! 

• While most politicians tax and spend your money into oblivion or worse (I don't know. Use your imagination. Mine is busy.) Harold will steal, scam, hussle, shoplift, or otherwise game nearly (e.g. - not even close) everything we need to run the government. All we HAFTA do is give him our votes and 50 cents on the dollar in dope! That's right, that's illegal, and… Qualified! 

• Harold has a promise that if you are not happy with his performance, job, work, stuff you won't have to impeach him, just trespass him from the White House. He won't actually leave, but he'll stop doing nearly (e.g. - not nearly) everything and become very elusive. Where did that $20 dollar bill go? Can you see the light? What light?  That's right… Qualified! 

No Nude Taxes!

Scratch-off Double Food Card Money!

Free Health Care!*

365 Unpaid Holidays!

No to the Mexico Wall!

Yes to the Quebec Wall!^

Money for nothing & Chicks for Free!

Feel the Burnm!

* - Trip to Canada required.


^ - Trip to Canada and some assembly required.




My name is Harold the Bum and I approved this sandwich.

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