Wisdom of the Prophet: Book 8

In the Beginning...it was Broken.

1. If God does not take the fullness of His Creation back to Himself after Perfecting it, then we are left with an incomplete or incompetent God. I do not believe in incomplete gods. An incompetent god is fallible, untrustworthy, and unworthy of our Worship. Our God is a Worthy Craftsman whose Works are Perfected by His Mighty Hand for His Name’s sake, Yahweh.   

2. The children of Israel were quite certain that they were the only ones Loved by God. They were mistaken. We should not follow in the footsteps of Israel.

3. Penguins, don't trust them.

4. A minister with red face, bulging veins, and dripping sweat can scream,  “God brings hellfire and damnation!” and everyone will shout back “Hallelujah!” and “Amen!” But walk out calmly and in a serene voice say, “God brings Love and Forgiveness.” and the congregation remains silent with invisible question marks hanging over their heads. Who have they come to Worship?

5. Those who take life too seriously or for granted will surely grow to hate life no matter what it offers.

6. Never send an academician to do a plumber’s job, it will cost many multiples of the product's value. The inverse is equally true.

7. “Organic” means twice the price, half the portion, and none of the taste.

8. As soon as we say someone is outside of God's Grace, we fall into error.

9. Mama always said I would make a good hand cart.

10. God is ever with the hand of mercy.

11. Belgium was not named after waffles.

12. If your father's greatest ambition was to create a creature, Dr. Frankenstein, don't accept his legacy. Don't follow in his hoof marks.

13. In the coldest, most lifeless, blackest void there is warmth. Barely perceptible yet fully present, nearly undetectable, but we know it's there, take it on faith.

14. Chaos is resident in the mind of the fanatic. The fanatic cannot accept a reality other than that which he accepted at the moment of his conversion. They will stifle, silence, persecute, prosecute, imprison, assassinate, murder, or execute any who prove or propose a different model of reality.

15. Many years ago we believed there was the vault of heaven and the frozen place of hell below with us caught between these two worlds. It was a simple model for simple people, and it worked because we believed in it. This raises the question, “If enough of us believe, can we call something entirely new into being?”

16. There are those who believe that humanity has been abandoned by our Creator or we are just a fluke byproduct of quixotic organic chemistry.

17. It's the little loves from which we can build a whole Universe of Love. We have the raw material. Sometimes we have the inclination. Sometimes we hear a Voice who calls to us “You are the Light of the world.” Like our Creator we can call and form chaos into order, we can emulate Him, but instead we choose the darkness, the emptiness, the void, and ask “Is absolute zero cold enough?” Jesus Saves and we spend. What God Creates, we spend millions, or billions, will trillions be enough to seek a better path of destruction on a grander scale and in greater proportion? Here we stand, hand to hand, arms against arms, with intent to do harm like some byproduct of quixotic organic chemistry. Then the Voice cries out, “You are the salt of the earth!” But we listen to the Serpent who whispers in our ear, burn these bodies and we'll see what the ashes are worth. There's bound to be some sodium in there. Who cares? Let's move down the periodic table and take the more precious metals.

18. In the final cost accounting you will find that people value their illusions far more than they appreciate Truth.

19. I have a theory that I will never understand the world, and in retaliation the world will never understand me back.

20. When my belief in Universal Salvation is rebuffed on the a priori argument of Judgement and Justice, I remember that I pray for Universal Salvation every day because,
    
    Jesus answered them, “Most certainly I tell you, if you have faith, and don’t doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you told this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it would be done. All things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” (Matt. 21:21-22)
    
    Their argument is based on the inability of God to be swayed by a single man's plea for Mercy on behalf of others or God's inability to act in a way other than they expect or wish and I fear they wish for Judgement. Then I recall,
    
    “Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged. For with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with whatever measure you measure, it will be measured to you.”  (Matt. 7:1-2)
    
    I listen to their long, often erudite exegesis on why God prefers Justice over Mercy and then conclude the exchange with, “I will  continue to pray for you, as well.”
    
21. A lack of respect for Natural Rights tends to bleed over into other areas of relationships. This is why the Founders and Framers of the Constitution encapsulated them within the Declaration of Independence and Constitution.

22. I think that I shall be terribly disappointed on the day I meet God to find Him exactly as I imagined Him to be. What a dumbed down and diminished God that would be which I could entirely comprehend in my tiny porous noggin.

23. Would you trust someone who told you they had to “...curtail your Rights to protect your Freedom.”?

24. The nouveau riche looked down from the Uplands into the blue collar community of the valley below and asked, “Why should we have so much and they so little... when we can just take it all?”

25. One cannot compensate for intelligence or personality with reiterative flamboyant cordialness.

26. If God be good, then what need have we for either sorrow or fear?

27. Love is worth the pain.

28. Perhaps, what matters more than miles traveled, the increase of the x over the y on a valuation graph, or the cycles of seasons we've passed are the lessons we learn in this short string of moments that make our lives.

29. I've got cake and explosives. I'll be just fine.

30. We know the truth when we hear it. But, if no one is speaking the truth then no one is hearing the truth, and any fiction will do.

31. When people tell me about climate change, I agree there's a lot more bullshit in the air.

32. American republic run by the blind

when facts are paid no nevermind

Truth is per the New York Times.

No leaders, just scheming pantomimes.                      (Ya don't say.)

Occupations of those exposed

in the Panama Papers

33. When we stand before the Throne, our Salvation will be by the Grace of the Living God who in His Glory and for His Name's Sake Redeems us. Our interpretations of this passage or that book, a prophet’s words or the meanings of the scrolls and seals will profit us nothing. By the Blood of Christ, being of His Provision, I am made acceptable to Him who formed me in my mother's womb. Nothing else is of consequence, and everything else is but fodder for theologians to build careers bickering about.

Seasoned Greetings

Yup, it's official...

Someone's got the Spirits... 80 Proof!

Different Animals, Same shit

That was when you realized that 

the future will be safe in his hands

She's always right, just ask her. 

Fired, bItches!

Network 2016

The following is based upon the dialog from the movie Network released in 1976. In honor of this  prophetic satire, I have attempted to update Howard Beale's rant for the contemporary audience.

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression; your depression. Everybody's underemployed and scared of losing one or both of their part-time jobs. The dollar buys a nickel's worth of product you will have to replace ten times in your lifetime, banks are thriving while you're going bust. They charge you to deposit your check, charge you when you use your own money, and charge you when you transfer funds. Let's face it folks, these banks got us coming and going. 

Mom and Pop shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter because punks are running the streets and the only “reasonable” and “sensible” answer we hear is stricter gun laws. Who are they kidding? The punks don't care about private property, civil society, and they care least of all for the law! That's what makes them punks. Why?, you ask, I'll tell you why. As above so below...Those sworn to uphold the Constitution, the highest law in the land, act with utter contempt for the principles that document claims we believe. Everybody everywhere says they know how to fix it, but they all disagree, and no matter what we do, it just gets worse. 

There's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe, our food is unfit for cattle, the water is liquid poison. We know that somewhere inside of us there is a single patient cell mutated by one of these contaminants just biding it's time, waiting to metastasize and end it all, and we sit watching our TV's, and clutching our digital devices which convey the horrors taking place just outside our castle gate. 

Today, we had fifteen unsuspecting people who naively wandered too close to another human being and were murdered by the “suicide” bomb he carried, and shows depicting the intricacies of homicides committed by family or friends remind us "trust no one", and sixty-three other garden variety violent crimes around our neighborhood reinforce nationwide paranoia, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. 

We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're completely fucking psychotic! It's like everything everywhere everyone is in a crazy drag race to see who can out crazy each other. So, we don't go out anymore. We sit in our outrageously overpriced condominiums gobbling antidepressants and mood stabilizers advertised in commercials depicting an idyllic world, but when you go to your primary care physician to get this panacea he's no longer in your network and it's going to cost you a fortune to navigate through a gauntlet of tertiary care deniers only to be prescribed the last bottle before the recall. 

You never get to see the idyllic world instead you watch in terror as they announce the class action lawsuit pertaining to the very drug you were prescribed which has now become the catalyst to set that one dormant mutated cell on an unremitting rampage through your body. The end is near and it's yours as you come crashing down to a flat line ending. Inside, your body is becoming smaller while the abomination within you grows. Outside the world you're living in and your place in it is getting smaller, too. Our friends grow more distant and when you venture out to test the waters of their friendship with your toe, they creep significantly closer to your gold. 

So, all we can do is hide in our imaginary safe place, our redoubt of delusional defense and whimper, "Please, just leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my microwave, my TV, and my digital device, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. What did Occupy yield any of us? A chance to practice sleeping in the streets. I don't want you to riot. You would only be slaughtered. I don't want you to write to your congressman because they don't care about you. I don't know what to do about your depression, the stagnation, the terrorists, and the brazen crimes which go unnoticed and unpunished in the hallowed halls of our capitol. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' 

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your ergonomically designed chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to your architectural window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' 

I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your exorbitantly priced, triple-pane, argon-filled windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' 

Things have got to change. Really change. Not the kind of change where the only difference is the occupants of the White House. Real change and for the better. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then, we'll figure out what to do about your depression and the stagnation and the terrorists. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell: "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" 

Keep yelling until half a dozen men in riot gear come and repeatedly tase you into submission or shoot you dead for acting erratically in a world where only the medicated are calm, only the insane are content, and only the deeply disturbed are able to make sense of it all. The only thing that may bring you peace will come a few seconds after you hear the words, “Tase his ass, again!”

...or you could always pray for a meteor.

If the Poets Ran the World

If the poets ran the world...
The sky would bear and bleed a million more colors
With the exception of the depressed who wouldn't bother
Every newborn would be held and loved by all mothers
Except for teenage boys rhyming to get at their daughters
War would be a word without need or definition
But the contrarians who would equate it with the human condition
The sun would shine and moon rise on intuition
But the Psalmist would take offense at messing with God's Creation
Love and fun would be our world currency so everyone would be wealthy
Save those goth kids who would exchange suicide notes as  currency
If the poets ran the world.

The Best of Multiculturalism

Something for US

Something for THEM

Hey, we got diversity going on!

Lost in a Process (Shannon's Song)

Means she's not even close.

Play the video and sing along, as long as you are alone, because you sing like ass. (Sorry, but you do suck.)

To the Melody of More 

than a Flailing Feeling.

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Did some gardening to start my day
I lost myself in a process
I closed my eyes the scope slipped away

I'm lost in a process, when I'm trying to get something done this way (lost in a process)
I begin dreaming (lost in a process)

'Till I see my Lee walk away
I see my old man walkin' away

So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the hours go by
Yet I still recall as I process on
As clear as the sun I'm almost done

I'm stuck in a process, where nothing ever gets done. (lost in a process)
I be there in a moment that's never going to come.

'Till I see Lee walk away
I see my old man walkin' away

When I'm tired and thinking cold
I start a monumental project, forget the day
And dream of a finish I used to know
I closed my eyes and I'm further away
The finish slipped away

I'm stuck in a process, where nothing ever gets done. (fucked by a process)
I'll be in, in a moment that's never going to come.

I'm further from finished than when I begun'Till I see Lee walk away
I see my old man walkin' away



Author's Note:

Yes, we all know our little Shannon, but what you may not know is if she was the Project Manager for the Great Pyramid of Giza, it would still be a 40 hour a week job for 20,000 people today!

Best Bum Practices Module 002

How to Steal a Backpack, you Idiot!

Module 001 Post Mortem

First, let's begin with a few minutes to absorb the lessons learned from way too recent events. We ran into a few problems in Module 001 which greatly interfered with our ability to apply proper BBP techniques. Let's review:

1. The fuckin automatic door!
2. Level of inebriation may have been tweaked a little above optimum. At best an ancillary issue, the primary failure was someone else's responsibility, as always.
3. Those fucking ”Creakers”. Where the fuck did they come from?

Okay, now flush these things completely from your memory (if you haven't already) because one thing a Bum never does is learn from their own or anyone else’s mistakes.

Ever!

Now, on with the new lesson plan:

Module 002, “How to steal a backpack, you idiot.”

I had a rough night, so you're all really lucky that I'm even here this morning at 2:40 in the afternoon. Normally, I'd be snuggled up in a filthy sleeping bag under a comfortable Army Corps of Engineers project, so you're all damn lucky to have me here.

STEP 1

It's going to be a long day, so let's begin with a smoke break. My head is still a little foggy from whatever particular chemical combo I imposed on my circulatory system last night, early this morning, and for breakfast about ten, no, make that eleven minutes ago. So, anyone got a smoke? Not a one of you? This must be the Honors class.

[Two hours and forty-five minutes later...]

STEP 2

Okay, that didn't go well. Who of you thought that a five foot four inch man in his eighties could throw a haymaker like that? I'm quite certain my jaw is broken in at least two places, and neither of them are good. How rude, yelling at me to “get a job” then to add insult to injury, he punched me while I was minding my own business rummaging through his pockets! Maybe, being the eleventh one to hit him up for a cigarette had something to do with his short ass fuse. Anyways, let's get back to the lesson… back to the lesson about (long pause) (class stares back equally blank) Definitely, the Honors class.

Fucking backpacks, you idiots!

STEP 3

If you all look behind you at your chairs you will notice something is missing. Clueless? The nine of you who owned them are missing your backpacks, which explained why I was the eleventh one out the door for the smoke break, you idiots!

STEP 4

Eject! Eject! Eject! Yourself from the classroom and run your ass off towards the door. Run! Fucking run! You're almost  there, man, almost there. Look back to make sure those backpacless bastards aren't in pursuit. They sure as hell are. Consider that carrying nine backpacks may be too many too… fucking late.

MIS-STEP 5

Take many, many, many blows, kicks, and a couple dislocations. Possibly one more broken bone, not a good one either. Eat some dirt mixed with vomit. Beef stew vomit. Bleed.

(Wail!)

Regain consciousness.

(Whimper!)

Educator's Syllabus Note: Get a head start next year before STEP 4.

(Purge All Educator's Syllabus Notes from Memory)

STEP 6

Crawl into a filthy sleeping bag under a comfortable Army Corps of Engineers project, you're damn lucky to be alive.

Recover, painfully.

STEP 7

Wake up to wracking withdrawal symptoms. Casually, grab the nearest bum's backpack.

Mission Accomplished!

STEP 8

Eject! Eject! Eject! Yourself from under the Army Corps of Engineers project and run your ass off towards the… towards the… Away. Run! Fucking run! You're almost  there, man, almost where?… Away, you idiot! Look back to make sure that backpacless bum bastard isn't in pursuit. He sure as hell is a fast one. Consider that you may be getting another beating way too… fucking soon.

STEP 9

Return to MIS-STEP 5.

STEP 10

Rinse, Lather, Repeat.

STEP 11

Consider that any idiot can steal a backpack, but it takes a fucking genius to keep one. Immediately flush that though from your memory. What thought? Yes, definitely the honors program.

STEP 12

Go check the Ace Hardware dumpster for broken jars of rubber cement.

Next…

Module 003: How to enjoy a weak end with inhalants (and weird animals).

Whoop, whizzle, oh, whoop, whaa, whoo...
Yeah, man, I could be President, too.You and me, Mr. Wubba, we're going to Washington DC.

A Word from our Sponsors...

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Tokyo Insurance and Casualty

"Either way we're fucked."

The World in Words

Negotiating and Understanding HAFTA

One American Presidential candidate says, “We HAFTA have free trade exactly as the WTO dictates we HAFTA do it, because we HAFTA make America great again.”

The other candidate says, “I agree, and we HAFTA defend our partners overseas, so we HAFTA bomb more people to achieve peace. Remember HAFTA worlds out to destroy our Liberty. Counting me, but the Justice Department says, I can get out of jail free. You HAFTA love me.” Signed Hillary.

The American CEO says, “That sounds great to me but we HAFTA outsource all the labor to compete and we HAFTA slash benefits for every employee below me to support your campaigns but only if you HAFTA taxes on our profits, please.”

The Japanese engineer says, “We can make any product HAFTA size. I don’t even HAFTA squint my eyes.”

The Chinese production manager says, “We can make it for HAFTA rice and you HAFTA sell it for twice the price, but don’t touch it or it will leave you sterilized.”

The retailers around the world say, "We HAFTA close HAFTA locations and lay-off HAFTA employees to compete with the World Wide Web or our brand will lose demand and our stock options will drop dead."

The economist puts on a rosy pair of shades and says, "We’ll hire them all back by next year when we're outta’ the red, as part-time temps if the market improves, a miracle happens, and we're not in a full blown recession yet, or all dead from debt. Don't print that last part I said."

The trucker sitting at a diner off I-90 says, "I could make a living at this if diesel were HAFTA price." And a whole trucker chorus puts down their coffee cups at once and chimes in, "That would be nice.”

The manager shouts, "Keep it down in there! I HAFTA call my brother in Pakistan who’s wearing a suicide vest tonight, and it's so far from here I HAFTA dial twice. Jesus Christ!"

The North Korean prison camp laborer says, “I'll HAFTA cut sleeping to two hours you say because I HAFTA ship a million knock-offs to America by Friday.”

The Russian oligarch says, “I can make HAFTA delivery disappear. You'll HAFTA make call to Boris and Natasha, my dear. Is there any more vodka in here?”

The climate scientists in the Arctic says, “I froze HAFTA brain cells I have left to determine, absolutely, and for certain that we HAFTA cut our CO2 emissions or HAFTA planet will drown in the sea, increasing HAFTA solar reflectivity. Shh, keep that last part a secret, please.”

The research scientists says, "I HAFTA get a government grant to tell you if HAFTA glass is empty."

And the other one says, "I HAFTA get a government grant to tell you if HAFTA glass is full, debatably. Write that 7-digit check care of me."

The Pope says, "We HAFTA save the planet. It's all up to us. That's what Jesus said in Matthew 6:25, it's there, somewhere you’ll just HAFTA trust me on this. I'm speaking ex cathedra. Just kidding, but I'm really serious."

The Dalai Lama says, "He has so much compassion, I'll HAFTA blow that crazy Argentinean a kiss."

The Patriarch of the Orthodox Church says, "We HAFTA keep in touch more often, but we HAFTA find a better place to go. I can’t decide which is worse Castro or Guantanamo. You HAFTA gimme a call, and let me know.”

A homeless dude asks the three guys in silly hats as they walk by, "Hey, brothers, can you spare a dime or get me high?" But they all just keep walking. And Jesus looks down and says, "Now, that ain't right, you HAFTA do more works and less talking. One of these days their all gonna' HAFTA see the Light. Now, I HAFTA go see 'bout a call from a Pakistani guy. Weird, right?"

Fifteen-hundred miles away a Lakota man lights some sage and says, “I don't understand wašíču HAFTA the time they say they love me then take HAFTA land they promised by treaty. I suppose, as long as they leave HAFTA Social Security in our casino all I need understand, is that the Great Spirit has the winning hand. Go on, try your luck. You never know. Press the flashing button. You bet ten and you win! A buck. That's for the buffalo.

Many days travel across big waters, HAFTA continent of Europe says, “We HAFTA help these helpless refugees” while the others say, “We HAFTA stop these migrants in their tracks” Angela Merkel asks, “Who's gonna pay to send these poor people back?” The European Union says, "Der Bundesbank haben das moneysac. Veel HAFTA pay you back. Veel keep track."

Down in the Peloponnese, a distant descendant of Leonidas shakes his head and says, "I'll HAFTA sell more feta cheese to all these Persian chaps. Austerity sucks like bringing Spartan living back." Ain't that a laugh?

The Basque turns to his clansmen, which number twenty to twenty-five, and said, “We HAFTA have our independence to thrive just like the Irish tried.”

An Irishman shout across the English Channel, “You HAFTA be out of your fucking mind! Give us a whiskey, love; I HAFTA get pissed for the night.”

In a desert bunker outta sight, an ISIS recruiter cries, “Those who drink alcohol must die. You HAFTA wear this dynamite to kill the infidel who disagree with Allah or Muhammad to reach paradise. Here we'll HAFTA try it on for size. Now, As-salamu alaykum and good-bye.” 

This isn’t a rap, it's just a list of simple rhymes with the seed of truth inside. All that is hidden will HAFTA be revealed in time. Let's see what’s happened since the murderer committed “suicide” and burned his 21 victims alive... Weird, right? They did, now, you HAFTA see the light.

Back in the Land of the Free, the American working man says, “I'm only working HAFTA hours and I'm gonna’ HAFTA get another part-time job by next week. We haven't saved HAFTA money we need for our retirement."

His son says, “I can’t make HAFTA student loan payment this month even HAFTA I move back home. All this debt is fucking bent!”

His mom says, "Screw the government! It seems we can only afford HAFTA house, HAFTA kids, and HAFTA car my mother and father had."

Her father says, “You should kiss the flag and be glad. I HAFTA take a shit and an $8,000 pill or I can’t go without it. Now, I HAFTA sell the house and car to buy a camper with your mother by my side who can't remember my God-damn name HAFTA time.”

Her mother says, “Oh, my! Does that strange man HAFTA use such language at the dinner table? Ooh!, I've fallen and I can't get up! I'm just not able.”

People look at me and say, "I don't understand HAFTA shit he writes HAFTA time. I'm sure he's out of his mind HAFTA time, and I am being kind."

And I shrug my shoulders and say, "You HAFTA do your own research and check their math, then come back and tell me what you find. Otherwise, you're another walking talking blind. By the way, mind that pit it’s deep and it's wide."

A shout cries out across the countryside, "That's all bullshit! He's full of it!" Then IMF director leans back at his desk, clear his throat, and says, “We HAFTA keep them all drowning in debt. HAFTA clerk checked on our Korean prison profits, yet? We’ll take the gold. You keep the check.”

The Mexican worker says, “What the Hell! I HAFTA cross the border to survive.”

The Immigration officer says, “We HAFTA build a wall, make it a mile high.”

The old East German smiles and says, "Oh, now it's your turn to commit suicide. I HAFTA leave the country tonight. This country's going down the drain; all the leaders HAFTA be insane! Aufiderzein!"

And the Wall Street broker says, “You just HAFTA keep rolling those dice, HAFTA I take my little giant slice. Thanks for playing so nice. Oh, you lose my friend. You'll just HAFTA come and play again. Now, I HAFTA make my dinner date with all the Presidential candidates we’ll talk about the politics that will seal your fate. So long, suckers!”

Little people, mom and pops, worldwide pull out their empty pockets and cry, "I should never HAFTA trust those mother fuckers again!"

The politicians say, “We HAFTA fix the system we fixed again! There we put all those matters to an end. Your money is safe, you just HAFTA put it in like a good American. Yup, it's official, the fix is in."

And all those little people, mom and pops, and suckers around the world sing, “Thanks, we owe you guys and we HAFTA give you all an Amen!” 

Until it all happens again, the only question is when...

So, if someone says you HAFTA do something follow the reason to the root, if you find tyranny, monopoly, or slavery wearing a three-piece suit, all you HAFTA do is render them the single finger salute.

LIKE A GOOD AMERICAN