Sunday, August 28, 2016

Wisdom of the Prophet: Book 7

The Septuple Serving of Mumblings from the Ether





  1. If you aren't willing to be accountable for your beliefs which you try to impose on others, then you don't believe them yourself.


  1. We are so well Provided for that we can envy, covet, and become jealous of each other just like a toddler who always want the other child's toy even when holding an identical toy. We all know that type of selfish, greedy, self-centered child. They are so easy to identify, especially when it's your toy at risk, but somehow when we are that demanding brat we have a hard time taking that blame.


  1. Our lives are a short string of moments.


  1. In order to think outside the box, you have to realize that there is no box just a fear of rejection.


  1. Many people know a God who is mildly indifferent to them, or theirs is an obsessive and capricious God ever vigilant for the opportunity to inflict damnation. This is not Yahweh.


  1. One thing overlooked or denied in the Genesis narrative is that God's Holiness and right action is demonstrated in His allowing others the freedom to choose.


  1. If we look at the Fall as avoidable sin and the resulting punishment, then we have a God to be feared and mistrusted. However, if we see the Garden as the Womb, then everything changes, even the very Nature of God. This is the Path to the God of Abundance.


  1. Human vision is very limited in scope. Even among the rest of the animal kingdom many species can see far better and in different spectrums. There is much more that we cannot see than that which we can. There is Wisdom here.


  1. Beyond ourselves there is others, and that is God's Domain. That is Holy Ground.


  1. Permanence is our first step into self-deception.


  1. Some people adopt religion to learn how to live, some people adopt it in the hope of living a little longer, others adopt religion to learn how to die well, and some take religion in order to become a foster parent. They believe that their religion gives them the right to tell others how to live. They worship the god of vainglory.


  1. The bureaucrat is the most loathsome of all humanity. They trade their God-given reason for “policy”. They barter worth for budgets. They confuse their purpose with position. They produce nothing of real value, but administer that which has been taken from those who do. They are unelected, yet wield the greatest power in any government. In their purest form, being quite divorced from anything we consider a rational worldview, they are nearly parasitic symbiotes. They're just surviving in whatever way works best for them, an instinctive behavior driven by an unnatural selection process we call “Appointment”.


  1. I am a writer by vocation, a minister by calling, a fixer of broken things and cleaner of messes by occupation, a philosopher by nature, an analytic by compulsion, an original thinker by lack of options, a revolutionary by neurosis, a friend by default, a class clown by credentials, a dreamer by night, and a visionary by day. How am I to know the difference between any of these?


  1. Our humanity is neutralized by the pain we choose to inflict upon others.


  1. In our earthly lives our purpose should never be to become God, and always to be better children of God.


  1. Let me fall upon you as gentle as my shadow so when I am absent you will remember me as one who left you in the light.


  1. Sin is to miss the mark. The mark is love. All else is sin.


  1. We do not attend a Memorial for the departed, at the close of the ceremony we take them with us. We are their Memorial.


  1. My eldest brother, David, was always the grand tactician, the master strategist, the long-game player. When I look at the ruination of my family, I know that his plan was perfectly planned, played, and executed. He has my congratulations and my forgiveness. That is all he requires of me and all I have to offer him.


  1. No one ever commits a crime of passion after considering the consequences.


  1. Most actions thought to be malicious are the consequences of ignorance rather than intent.


  1. Love is worth the pain.


  1. We all come from the same place and we will surely all return to Him. That place is God. We are all learning to Sing the Lord's Song in a foreign land. That is where we stand.


  1. The Left wants to divorce actions from their natural consequences and the Right wants to synthesize and add their own.


  1. Silence is not always consent, many times it is revulsion.


  1. I do not believe in incomplete gods.


  1. If someone will not give you a job, make one.


  1. That's where men have always run afoul of the fairer sex, by trying to divide the line between black and white. Many times we are looking for the substance of the ether, we are reaching for the solid in the mist.


  1. We are putting out fires with a baseball bat. [Speaking on the War on Terror]


  1. It is the unintended consequences that kill.


  1. In a war of attrition the defender need only meet one victory condition, to exist.


  1. There is but One Path and it is at your feet. Now, walk.


  1. There aren't many problems in the world that can't be solved with a gallon of gas and a match. The critical point is determining precisely where to apply the gas.


  1. Sometimes, I can reach into the person to whom I am speaking with and they are like a stringed instrument, and I know, I just know which string to pluck to resonate within their being.


  1. We used to build infrastructure, now we blow it up. The specs are a lot less tedious.


  1. If you are spending a great deal of time trying to prove you are right, then perhaps your premise is in error. The Truth is punctual. One can always wait for the exception and claim it to be axiom.


  1. Love for God is always reciprocated.


  1. Retaliation and retribution are  not lessons. They are the most convenient paths to escalation.


  1. There comes a time when you must flush the roaches from their cover and expose the termite den to understand how deep the damage is within.


  1. It doesn't matter if Godzilla is the good guy or the bad guy, Tokyo is still fucked.

   41. In the end, God wins. Whatever made us think otherwise?



Thursday, August 25, 2016

Social Media

(w/ comments by my invisible 7' wookie)

Over the course of my harrowing (Pull-up! Pull-up! Will he make it? I don't think so. Eject! Eject! Aw, fuck he's dead!) life, I've managed  to generate (stumbled black out drunk on) some remarkably (mediocre) creative (and asinine) ideas (from time-wasters to premeditated hazards). I'm not reluctant (regrettably) to acknowledge genius (psychosis), even when it's my own. (prurient horseshit comedy).

And now for my next trick (God, help us)


For the ladies (no end in sight)



What do you think?
(Yawn! I'm leaving.)

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Strike at the Root...

Our repressed issue with authority figures.


They will call this "The Trolley Coup"

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Bum Best Practices Module 001







Shoplifting Your Local 24-Hour Grocer

Step 1
Enter your local up all fucking night food retailer through the front door at exactly 11:20 PM.

CAUTION!
Wait for the door to automatically open! If you find yourself surrounded by shattered glass and bleeding profusely, return to step one after being released from the emergency room.

Step 2
Casually meander about the store for three to five minutes whilst spasmodically jerking and berating yourself for forgetting your backpack.

Step 3
Exit the store mumbling unintelligibly to any store employee, incoming customer, or shopping cart about urine pooling in the nonexistent automotive section of this shitty grocery store. Neither imply or express any responsibility for said urine pooling!

Step 4
Get your fucking backpack you idiot. I can't believe how fucking stupid you are!

QUICK TIP
If you don't have a backpack see: Bum Best Practices 002 “How to steal a backpack, you idiot”

(Yes, I know, after I write it.)

Step 5
Now that you have your backpack, turn your grease stained formerly white t-shirt inside out so they won't recognize you and reenter the grocery store incognito. Try to project that you're not the same spun-out shoplifter who exited minutes ago and that you are not too fucked up to remember what you came here to shoplift.

Step 6
Fail.

Step 7
Panic and casually dive headlong for the men's restroom. Flailing wildly, slam the door way too hard behind you. Relax. You're in your safe place.

Step 8
Now, freak the fuck out. Placing your ear against the door and slow your breathing to less than zero respirations per minute, listen for anyone attempting to breach your safety zone. They're out there speaking in nearly imperceptible vibrations and using creaking sounds as signals. Bastards!

Step 9
Reassure yourself, that you're okay and that no one can touch you in your safety zone. Breathe. Yes, breathe. Breathe. Wonder how long you just held your fucking breath and contemplate why is there a tampon dispenser in here. Fucking breathe. Okay, easy on the breathing, you're hyperventilating and sweating from your eyeballs.

Step 10
Look in the mirror. Realize exactly how bad an idea looking in the mirror was right about…wait for it… now. Damn! You are so obviously fucked up and everyone knows it. They're out there creaking to each other about how fucking high the shoplifter in the restroom is and laying in wait. Bastards!

Step 11
Collapse onto the toilet. Begin to  contemplate that you may, in fact, be way too high to pull this off. Abort! Abort! Abort that thought because I didn't say,  ”Simon Says”.

Step 12
Do a bellringer of a shot to calm your nerves. Now, in a minute, focus on the task at hand and consider a whole new strategy. You will, in a minute.

Step 12b
Fail.

Step 12c
Internalize that there are a shitload more steps than you thought when you initially failed to plan for this little shoplifting extravaganza. Panic!
.
Step 13
Eject! Eject! Eject! Yourself from the bathroom and run your ass off towards the door. Run! Fucking run! You're almost  there, man, almost there. Look back to make sure those creaking bastards aren't in pursuit.

Step 14
Remember that the Step 1 Caution applies while exiting the store too… fucking late.

Step 15
Have your personal injury attorney handle the lawsuit and collect $3,500 for automatic doors which do not meet Olympic sprinter safety requirements.

You got something for nothing… Mission Accomplished!
You're a real fucking bum.
Go get loaded!
Fuck yeah!

Step 15fuck
Remember that you can't cash a check without a bank account.

(Wail!)

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck the fucking fuckers!
Fuck!

Go pick at the scabs off your hard earned lacerations instead.

Idiot! You lost your backpack!



Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Now Hear This... On the Baffling Beauty of Women




I have come to the conclusion that women were never meant to be comprehensible. That's where men have always run afoul of the fairer sex, by trying to divide the line between black and white. Many times we are looking for the substance of the ether, we are reaching for the solid in the mist.

Or maybe that's just me.

Somehow I don't feel that I'm alone in this perplexing experience. I'd be willing to bet that a high percentage of  men occupying this planet would nod their heads in agreement with my thoughts on the beauty and bewilderment provided by women if I were allowed to broadcast them over the planetary address system after we built one.

Many times it is exactly this quality of the stuff that comprises women that infatuates, mesmerizes, and captivates us to some point on the spectrum between attraction and distraction.

Or maybe their looks have something to do with it.

I can recall many a time when the avant garde poetry which passed for conversation with the ladies has had  my brain rung out like a dirty dish rag and felt that it was just fine as long as I could just look at her for a while longer.

On less romantic occasions, I would just stare into the air looking twice as stupid as usual, mystified, and being completely incapable of divining what word salad I was currently digesting.

Our relationships with women weren't always thus as I recall. Back in kindergarten and through the earliest years of elementary school, girls were just as easily understood as we were (still addressing men on the planetary PA system) and remain today.

Since those simple and easily understood days something went puzzling with women along the way, and I am certain that it was a slow and imperceptible thing. A gradual process which has thus far been undocumented and overlooked.

As the girls we ran the playground with became more attractive their ability to be understood by us of the XY persuasion diminished inversely. Furthermore, that we made a subconscious decision to allow their waxing beauty to compensate for our deepening confusion.

That’s my working theory, at least for the time being 11:08 PM.

It's not that all women are perplexing at all times, that would be predictable, which generally speaking, they are not, for the most part. Then, there are  those times when suddenly every word they utter is crystal clear, which coincides with the times you have just accomplished being a complete asshole. It's their superpower, like Donny Osmand's teeth, except theirs are easily twice as sharp. Asshole!

Under “normal” circumstances we would never tolerate having our faults being laid bare like this, we’re way too fragile in the ego department for that kind of thing. However, she is quite beautiful, and that goes a long way with us. It's practically the coin of the realm and we'd be willing to deal with the wounds for a chance to spend those riches if we could just look at her for a while longer.

Call it an investment. Maybe for a lifetime, but definitely for a little while longer.

Maybe more.