Now Hear This... On the Baffling Beauty of Women

I have come to the conclusion that women were never meant to be comprehensible. That's where men have always run afoul of the fairer sex, by trying to divide the line between black and white. Many times we are looking for the substance of the ether, we are reaching for the solid in the mist.

Or maybe that's just me.

Somehow I don't feel that I'm alone in this perplexing experience. I'd be willing to bet that a high percentage of  men occupying this planet would nod their heads in agreement with my thoughts on the beauty and bewilderment provided by women if I were allowed to broadcast them over the planetary address system after we built one.

Many times it is exactly this quality of the stuff that comprises women that infatuates, mesmerizes, and captivates us to some point on the spectrum between attraction and distraction.

Or maybe their looks have something to do with it.

I can recall many a time when the avant garde poetry which passed for conversation with the ladies has had  my brain rung out like a dirty dish rag and felt that it was just fine as long as I could just look at her for a while longer.

On less romantic occasions, I would just stare into the air looking twice as stupid as usual, mystified, and being completely incapable of divining what word salad I was currently digesting.

Our relationships with women weren't always thus as I recall. Back in kindergarten and through the earliest years of elementary school, girls were just as easily understood as we were (still addressing men on the planetary PA system) and remain today.

Since those simple and easily understood days something went puzzling with women along the way, and I am certain that it was a slow and imperceptible thing. A gradual process which has thus far been undocumented and overlooked.

As the girls we ran the playground with became more attractive their ability to be understood by us of the XY persuasion diminished inversely. Furthermore, that we made a subconscious decision to allow their waxing beauty to compensate for our deepening confusion.

That’s my working theory, at least for the time being 11:08 PM.

It's not that all women are perplexing at all times, that would be predictable, which generally speaking, they are not, for the most part. Then, there are  those times when suddenly every word they utter is crystal clear, which coincides with the times you have just accomplished being a complete asshole. It's their superpower, like Donny Osmand's teeth, except theirs are easily twice as sharp. Asshole!

Under “normal” circumstances we would never tolerate having our faults being laid bare like this, we’re way too fragile in the ego department for that kind of thing. However, she is quite beautiful, and that goes a long way with us. It's practically the coin of the realm and we'd be willing to deal with the wounds for a chance to spend those riches if we could just look at her for a while longer.

Call it an investment. Maybe for a lifetime, but definitely for a little while longer.

Maybe more.