Mikey's Piddle Leep... Yup, it's official.

Personal
Indemnity
Disclaimer &
Disgruntlement
Liability
Exclusion &
Exoneration
Proclamation

I, Mikey, cannot be held responsible or accountable for the actions, deeds, wording, bewildered sighs, raised eyebrows, obscene gestures, asinine antics, poor spelling, lost interest, lost personal belongings, carbon (or caribou) footprints, dead batteries, unwashed dishes, undercooked poultry products, salamander feces in the bathtub, excessive cheese molding caused by humidity in a rented room's fridge, tall tales that lead directly or indirectly to your short temper, or inappropriate behavior(s) as defined later in this PIDDLEEP*.

 *Pronounced "Piddle Leap" (pid-l leep). Failure to properly pronounce this anagram will divest you of all natural and synthetic rights, claims, or legal grounds to continue to make mouth noise at or about me, Mikey. That's very important, so remember this, and everything else, too.

<Begin noteworthy clause>

The following section has been determined to be a "Noteworthy Clause", ∆ (Delta symbol of critical importance, but currently undefined)

<End Noteworthy Clause/>

In cases which involve you or more people, verbally or in writing, digitally, violently, or by any other potential or kinetic transmission wish to express or imply anything whatsoever at this or any point in the future, you must immediately sing all verses and chorus of the song "If You See Kay" continuously until granted permission by the duly appointed moderator, hereby designated as Mikey without appeal, injunction, recursion, exclusion, or exception in perpetuity.

(Pert B-Cup breasts must be tendered here, bearer's responsibility)

We, in accordance with Congressional example, hold all truths to be suggestions that hold no force of law (like the Declaration of Independence), are purely advisory, non-binding (unless you want to take the rest of the day off), feel-good word-paste smeared across paper (or other media of transmission) in order to make you feel like you matter, you're important, you belong to something bigger than yourself, and reinforce the feeling that you are not just taking it up the ass when you pay your  taxes/ our expenses and toss your vote at the heads or tails candidate who seems most likely to deliver the hope and/or change that never materializes. (Suckers! What's the definition of insanity again?)

At your discretion, you may exercise your Right to bash yourself in the cranium with a bowling ball. If you cannot afford a bowling ball one will be provided for you, that we will charge you for later (plus interest, esoteric charges, random "other cost", and docking fees) In order to exercise this Right say, "I want to have a ball" or forever hold your breath. Failure to exercise this option now will not preclude you from exercising it later, and you will. Trust me, you will.

These and other cherished, time honored, traditions ARE the cornerstone of OUR society, civilization, and culture. Your (third person) failure to be aware of them is not an excuse. It's a cop out.

Claiming that these and other cherished, time honored, traditions are the cornerstone of OUR society, civilization, and culture does not trump YOUR cherished, time honored, traditions which are the cornerstone of YOUR society, civilization, and culture based on the merit that a lot more people agree with you merely exposes YOUR system as a manifestation of gang rule and lawlessness. Your promotion of such a social order of chaos demonstrates that you (second person) are a lower order primate incapable of making moral decisions.

We, being Mikey, can foresee the benefits of closure, then this big deal PIDDLEEP will assure us (chimpies, too) task-oriented progress. Big wins for all through Mikey. We're making forward progress towards design-driven get-it-done attitudes by implementing an open-ended practice of Mikey overlordship that is both impactful and mind-blowing. Synergistic sexual partnerships that leave momentary impacts do the right thing with Mikey's ubiquitous synergies. In order to assure that challenges evolve into environments, we must be certain that opportunities will ramp up progress on Mikey ordained objectives.

Enshrined way above the Steele of Hammurabi this day forth forever and ever and ever, etcetera, etcetera,e tcetera. So it is written, so it is done.

Thank You, Come Again!

Yup, it's official.