The Truth About Lies

Did you ever have a situation as a kid when if you told the truth you and/or a friend was going to be in serious trouble? So, you planned a lie that blamed some unknown other person, but somehow in the telling of the…. “Masterpiece of Fiction”, your friend screwed it all up and made you as guilty as… uhm…. Satan. Yup, Lucifer, or at the very least, as culpable as Astaroth.

So, you had to put in a lot of overtime at the fabrication mill creating yet another synthetic story that had an aroma reminiscent of, let's go with, raw sewage.

About the time your secondary salvo of spontaneous bullshit arrives at your friend's house, he’s completely freaking out and assumes you're trying to blame him, in spite of the fact that you skillfully crafted your crapcraft to do nothing even close to blaming your friend.

However, your friend figured that once he's made one poor decision, he might as well corner the market on asinine choices by “confessing” that it was all your idea and you did whatever hideous act it was cackling throughout like a mad man, while he pleaded with you on his knees to be reasonable.

Have you ever been in a similar situation?

Hmm? Must just be me, then. Oh, I get it… it's all my fucking fault again! You were the kind of kid who rats out his friend because you thought there was a volume discount on stupid assumptions and paranoia.

Sorry. I may still be carrying some baggage from my childhood… or maybe it's natural to equate the name Frank Compansano with dirt bag, douche bag, asshole, fuck face, mother diking sow… or maybe that's just me, too… or not.

That's the way lies work in real life and in real politics, the lie goes surreal almost instantly. Here's a few simple ways to detect falsehood:

1. The story is monolithic. Every source on the planet suddenly agrees that it is “just so”, even though they can't agree on the color of shit on any other subject.

2. Story requires Suspension of Disbelief - One or more Laws of Physics would have to be broken or temporarily abrogated for the pile of horseshit to be true.

3. Nuclear Bomb/Clock Timing - The story has not one, not two, not eight, or even fifteen, but many unrelated pieces (twenty or more) that occur at the perfect time to be catastrophic.

4. Cui Bono No-No - If the story (lie) directly and spectacularly benefits the speaker or their friends and family, it's probably afactual.

5. Subprime Perjury - Upon hearing the story you immediately think, “Man, go back and make up a better lie because I’m too smart to believe that one.”  ...it's probably a true story, because you're not all that smart.