The Ron Shoff Shove Off

Sharks would have been a small mercy.

All good things must come to an end and thankfully this kind of thing does too.  Ron’s lackluster career at the food bank was spent creeping up the corporate ladder from assistant rotting produce sorter to executive assistant rotting produce sorter.

It's been both gruelling and entertaining. Mostly gruelling, but we've managed to eek out a few laughs at his expense. For instance,  we never told Ron that we've had a restroom at the food bank all these years but enjoyed watching him doing the pee-pee dance to the library eight to seventeen times per four hour shift. And let's not forget the diuretics we've been spiking his drinks with. Hilarious! Wasn't it?

So, now ole’ Ron is shipping off and going South. Going South seems par for the course with Ron. Let's take a look at the state of the state where Ron will be enjoying is final bleak years…

The Economy - Let’s face it, Arizona’s economy is sinking, and sinking fast. Arizona’s economy was almost solely tied to the real estate market and with that crashing down, what is everyone going to do? The recent housing crash will end up affecting every state resident/inmate for years to come and then some. Unlike most areas, Arizona has nothing to fall back on and who really knows what will become of Arizona and its people in the coming years? The answer is Ron Shoff. God help them.

The People - Liars, thieves, illegals, con-artists, white trash, felons, 30k millionaires, fakes, and everyone else who moved here hoping to blend in. Arizona is filled with a number of low class individuals, and it shows in every aspect of day-to-day life. The people here are generally rude, arrogant, unfriendly, and not even worth dealing with. For Ron, there couldn't be a better fit.

The Culture - What culture? The majority of Arizona residents spend their days and nights getting black out drunk. There’s not much else going on. Enough said. Yup, this place was practically tailor made for Ron.

No, I didn't fabricate those Arizona highlights, I would have but I didn't have to, they came straight from a future fellow inmate who already resides in this air-tight hell hole.

So, while we remain in the lush, green temperate climate of God's country we'll remember “ole’ what the hell was his name again?” as he dessicates in the arid purgatory of Arizona that will prepare him for the afterlife of the Godless, unbelieving heathen that he is. Along with the entire news bureau of NPR.

Don't forget to pay the Ferryman, Ron!