HTB Chronicills - The Blonde in the Yellow Dress

Harold had been eyeing the hot little chick in the yellow dress for some time now. Every time he came out of his nod, she was there. She didn't talk much, which was a plus for Harold. Especially, now while he was face down in a pool of what might be his own vomit, or maybe it was beef stew, or Alpo. On his next nod, he resolved to give it the taste test.

Whatever the result, he definitely wanted to give the blonde in the yellow dress a taste test. She was kinda short but built like a...

Vomit, definitely vomit, beef stew vomit to be precise. Yeah, now he remembered eating that. It hadn't gone down well, but came up easily enough. I bet she would go down well too. He may have found his dream woman, after all a woman who isn't put off by a man who eats his own puke fits well into Harold's lifestyle.

"Sorry, sorry. ", Harold offered apologetically. But still the petite blonde remained mute. Starring Harold down. He was feeling strangely aroused by her unbroken glare. He summoned all the strength he could muster, which was enough to send his lighter careening across the pavement towards her feet.

Minutes passed and turned into tens of minutes or maybe hours. Who knows? That's one of the things about a nod, time is relative, well everything's relative. Wow, it occurred to Harold, brothers and sisters are relatives too!

Harold tucked that revelation away for later along with his discovery that he too had hands. And then his thoughts returned to her, or perhaps it should be Her. She was still there. Still capturing Harold in Her stare. He moved closer with the fluid and sexy crawl of a Gila monster. A very masculine and available Gila monster. That was the impression he was trying to project. She hadn't laughed and walked away yet, so it seemed to be working.

That's when he noticed her tits; pert and firm. Maybe a B or C, or one of those other letters he couldn't recall right now. Damn her nipples were hard as rocks and he couldn't control himself from taking one in his mouth. Suckling like a baby Gila monster. A sexy, available baby gila monster. She was into this. He could tell by her lack of protest and violence. This was bum heaven. He had reached the Promised Land right here on the sidewalk of North Bend.

She was murmuring now, "Harold, dude."

Yeah, that's it baby scream my name.

Harold, dude? What the fuck?

Yeah, she was enraptured by his sexy, available baby Gila monster styles, Harold smiled to himself.

Then, suddenly, he came crashing back to reality. The hot little petite chick in the yellow dress had transformed into a fucking fire hydrant and a dismayed police officer stood over Harold.

"What the fuck are you doing to that city property? And what the fuck did I just step in?"

Mostly vomit, beef stew vomit mixed with a little sexy, available baby Gila monster semen.

That was all it took to bring on the cuffs.

Later that week, Judge Stewart found no humor in it either. Though Harold was certain the prosecution cracked an involuntary grin or maybe it was a grimace. It mattered little, this was another case of American blind justice, where Harold would blindly sign his name on the first plea bargain he could find. Even if it was someone else's, it was reflexive by now. A learned behavior, like wiping from back to front, once you became comfortable with it, it stuck with you like a criminal record.

"Sir, what does any of this have to do with Harold making it big time?", the bewildered child asked.

"Harold?", Harold puzzled, "who said anything about Harold?"

"You did", the tot looked confused, which is the next step after bewildered.

"Man, I bet Harold could have used those handcuffs on her, " was all Harold remembered thinking think about as he was stuffed head first into the cruiser. Then he'd curled up and nodded off into oblivion like a sexy, available baby Gila monster should. 

The boy starred at the old man who cracked a smile below his glassy eye. The boy tried to determine if he should dial 911 or continue to ignore the gnarled ones mounting dementia. He decided to leave weird enough alone and went back to playing his PlayStation 34.