HTB Chronicills - A Good Bum

One day Harold stumbled by the drug transfer building and found everything had changed. Where were all the junkies and homeless people he had come to know and marginally tolerate? There were all these married people with children who seemed to be their own. Harold's mind was reeling from the thought of how parents could stay together and raise children as a nuclear family. And the cleanup shot mixed with what may have been cat poop that he did behind a bush a few minutes ago. Whatever the cause, his mind was really reeling, really reeling, rip, whap, cracker jack...

BEEP!  BEEP!

The angry Asian man was beeping his horn and swearing in gibberish at Harold from the seat of his BMW.

"How rude!” thought Harold, "I didn't move to your shithole of a country and cuss you out while you were nodding out in my driveway, so don't come to mine and..."

Harold had nodded again into a world of spinning baby mobiles with pink cotton candy. It was soft. So soft and warm...and angry in gibberish ...

BEEP! BEEP!

"WTF!" Harold resolutely slurred in a whisper. Exasperated by the unrealistic demands of this little man, Harold took the immoral high ground by spitting on the polished BMW.

Staggering past the drug transfer center he noticed even more strangers with happy smiling children boarding a train.

"WTF!" Belched Harold in a sulfurous cloud, "What idiot had replaced the drug transfer center with a train depot? This wasn't the town he threw up in!"

Harold involuntary convulsed his torso with one of those shakes that would have killed an infant twice his size, or perhaps two burley toddlers. He wasn't sure how to convert newborns into toddlers. Surely, it happened so somebody like Warren, knew the answer to useless trivia such as this.

Harold was focused like a laser beam, a soft, fuzzy, under-powered, laser beam passing through a dirty lens. But it was a laser and it was focused, good enough. While his mental agility was on par with a severely impaired Thalidomide baby for mere mortals, Harold could shut down superfluous brain functions, such as digestion, hygiene nodes, sensory, inputs, self-conscious fashion inhibitors, and just about every other brain function unnecessary for the procurement of that one little baggy of joy in search of a good bum.